God in the Labs

Trigger warning: discusses Christian faith and prenatal abuse

When Christians talk about the “enemy” and doing warfare, they are referring to Satan and demons.  What many Christians may not realize is that those involved in occultic groups do the same; but to them, the “enemy” is the Christian God, and the “warfare” is against encounters with God.

Over time, as I recovered my own memories, and broke vows and agreements made to never remember encounters with the Christian God (made by my cult parts), I started to remember things that made me realize that even in the darkest situations, God shows up.

An example: I have mentioned the prenatal labs, where the birth mothers and the fetuses are tortured, with the intent of programming the fetus in the womb to hate God. This is the time when the cult loyal parts that hate God with a vengeance are created and tortured to fuel this hate.

But what I also remembered is the fact that not infrequently, in response to the fetal cries to God (fetuses do this instinctively, especially during the first three months in the womb), an angel would appear to stop the trainers; to prevent further torture. I remember one encounter when I walked into the lab, and saw an angel bend over the abdomen of a pregnant mother, and kiss her swollen belly (and the baby within). The angel had an incredibly loving look on its face.  I stared; the angel gave me a look of great sorrow (as in “how could you do this?”) and left. I was a bit shaken, but these things happened from time to time.  I had a very hard heart towards God at this point, and chose to ignore what I had seen.

It is not at all uncommon in the first few months of a fetus’s life, for equipment “malfunctions” to occur (e.g. equipment used to cause torture suddenly stops working for no reason; it later passes all checks). These are considered normal oddities, because the programmers know and realize that the one they consider the “enemy” (the Christian God) is interfering because of the fetus’s cries of distress.

I now realize that God encounters such as these were not at all uncommon. Most trainers are taught to explain them away; to ignore them, and to harden their hearts and continue doing the work in spite of seeing  divine intervention.  The True God was giving a witness to His power and mercy in one of the darkest places of oppression possible, and I had no excuse for my choice at the time to turn away, other than my own lifetime of programming.

I now realize that the Christian God is good, He is merciful, and He answers the cries of those who cry out to Him.  He never forsakes or abandons those who ask His help. It was due in part to encounters such as the ones I described above that I began to question what I was doing, and to wonder who the real “enemy” was: the One trying to stop what I and the other programmers were doing, or the one who commanded us to hurt others (e.g., satan). I came to realize that I was on the wrong side, and chose to switch camps, and join the side characterized by love.

My prayer is that all who see heaven invade into the darkest places (and I do realize they are dark indeed), will choose to take the hand of the True God who loves His creation.



Interview with Jo Getzinger of CARE, INC. Part 1: For Those Helping Survivors

Jo Getzinger, MSW is the President of CARE, Inc., a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping survivors of ritual abuse, complex trauma and human trafficking, and to helping educate those who support survivors.  She has more than 30 years of experience in working with complex trauma and graciously granted an interview.

svali: Jo, could you share some initial thoughts on healing?

Jo: When society typically thinks of healing, they look at things like functionality. Some survivors have had a hard time functioning in life, or managing a job; and initially, they will work on these issues. But I can think of many individuals who have worked on these issues, and are able to hold a job, but aren’t very healed, because what can occur is pseudo-maturity: they look functional, but the problems aren’t resolved and show up in their intimate and family relationships.

In order for there to be healing, there needs to be good intact relationships for the survivor. When an individual is able to maintain good relationships, and maintain a coherent identity, that’s what we consider a healed survivor.  Many individuals have had much better success at this over time as we have focused on the relational and belonging needs of survivors.

svali: What are some things you think might be helpful for therapists and those who are new to working with survivors?

Jo: First, I would like to address the question regarding how long the healing journey takes, since this is asked so frequently. It can take years for someone with complex trauma, particularly ritual abuse, to heal.  These individuals often have abuse backgrounds that involve family dysfunction and outside perpetrators as well, with a childhood history of a great amount of abuse, characterized by broken relationships. It takes a while to actually heal from this amount of trauma, because the answer is that healing actually occurs through relationship. Because it takes time for the survivor to build trust, healing won’t be a “quick fix”.  It can’t just be goal oriented with tasks assigned; helping involves a relational healing journey between the therapist and the individual.

svali: What I hear you saying is that when working with survivors, be prepared for the journey, and not just a few quick sessions or a couple of prayers?

Jo: Yes.  I think it’s important that the helper is able to look at their own wounds; everyone is wounded from some trauma in their life at some point.  It’s important that therapists have a good handle on their own issues, and that they are healed to the extent they are able to “go the distance” with the survivor. Survivors have wounded backgrounds, and all types of problems will surface over the course of the healing journey. When working with someone who is so wounded, anything in your own life that needs attention and to be worked on will be pointed out by survivors.  For instance, if you struggle with shame yourself and you are working with someone who struggles with shame, or any of the other difficult emotions, the survivor will find that emotion and bring it up in you, often through testing the relationship. If you don’t know how to handle emotions in a healthy way for yourself, it’s going to be difficult to help them resolve those feelings.

svali: Sometimes, supporters raise the question of not being a trained person, and the concern that they might do harm due to not knowing what to do?

Jo:  That’s why I believe it’s important that the group of supporters that develops around the survivor works with the therapist, who must take the time to train the support system. Creating a support team was one of the single most helpful things that we began to do here at CARE. In the past when I tried to do this type of work with only one hour a week in an office setting, it simply wasn’t enough.  The hourly session was kind of a contrived relationship, not something that helped the survivor live in a practical way outside the office so they could actually experience safety, or the modeling of good relationships. In the traditional office model, it was impossible for them to develop a give and receive relationship in a way that modeled healthy and safe attachments.

svali: It sounds like you are describing the fact that not only survivors need support and teaching in the therapeutic relationship, but supporters , or the support team also need help learning what’s helpful and what’s not helpful.

Jo: that’s right. Because if helpers don’t have any training, as they try to help, they are going to be tested in the relationship. Typically, helpers aren’t used to being tested or dealing with the fear that is introduced into the relationship by the survivor. If you think about it, a survivor has often lived with a lot of hurt and betrayal, abuse and pain, where nothing is ever safe; that’s all they have experienced in life. Suddenly someone comes along and says “I want you to trust me, and I’m going to love you,” and survivors can’t receive from the helper, because they’ve only experienced pain in relationships, and they’re fearful. They will have to test the supporter. Testing is a process of making a relationship. The motivation behind the testing are concerns like these:  “If I don’t do things perfectly, or if I blow it, or if I show fear, or anger, will you still care for me?”  Survivors will try to push the supporter away because of thoughts like this: “I’m afraid that if I let you get close to me, you’ll do something to hurt me, or drop me.” It‘s a normal process of push away and pull close, until that person learns that the other is going to remain consisten and constant through the testing process.

svali: What has personally helped you in your over 30 years of helping survivors?

Jo:  I would say my faith is the most important, because that’s what’s kept me going during the times when it felt like nothing was going well; when I got tested and when I got the push/pull from survivors. It was especially difficult when it felt like there wasn’t a lot of support from others. As my own healing and maturity issues came up in my face,  it’s really the faith I had and the LORD’s encouragement to keep going, and that He was working out things in me that helped most. After 30 years I can look back and say that I gained a lot personally from the work, with a lot of refining and burning off the “dross” in me. This is true for anyone who continues in this important work. It’s a matter of being willing to persevere and trust that no matter what happens, God is going to work it out for good; that He will do this in me, and in the survivor.

svali:  I’ve heard some supporters and churches mention their fear of warfare (spiritual attack) when they work with survivors.  Anything you found helpful?

Jo:  Well, from my own experience I have encountered warfare when working with survivors. This is an issue because there are spiritual strongholds that the survivor will bring with them because of the type of abuse they’ve been in, and part of healing is working out these issues. When I encountered this, what I found is that God had to get bigger in my life. The bigger He became, the less fearful I became of any warfare that would come at me.  The scripture that has really guided me in this process is that “suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces  good character,  and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint,” and I have really experienced that as true. God really does take everything evil and turns it around for good, so we don’t have to fear; and even when I don’t know why warfare is occurring or what might be the result of this warfare, I trust that He will bring the breakthrough and He always does.

svali: What are the characteristics of a good prayer minister or therapist in the context of working with ritual abuse/mind control survivors?

Jo: I think the characteristic of a good therapist or prayer minister is someone who is able to love; again, the Christian principle that “love never fails.”  You can be intelligent, or skilled, but if you don’t have love, you are basically a clanging cymbal (1 Cor. 13).  I think the most important thing is that the person you are working with senses that you do deeply care about them.  Even if you’re a brand new therapist, and you don’t know very much, “Love covers a multitude of sins”.  If the person knows that you care about them, they will understand that the therapist can make mistakes, and if you’re willing to be humble and apologize, and listen to that person, then they will understand that you are doing your best; especially if you remain teachable.

svali: Wait, you’re saying teachable, that the therapist can learn from the survivor? That’s a shift from the normal therapeutic paradigm.

Jo:  If you can remain humble and teachable, and a good listener, you will be able to hear what the person needs. I think that faith is important, too. If the survivor sees that you have a strong faith, they will be attracted to who your God is, because your faith will be tested in this relationship. If your God is big, they will see that, and that is what they need to have hope for themselves.

It can’t just be the therapist that brings strength and support to the survivor; it has to be the One they are introduced to by the therapist. You become a bridge for that client to God, and the client’s relationship with God can be repaired as well. This is especially true if the survivor’s background is ritual  ritual abuse: ritual abuse targets the survivor’s relationship with God, and often severely damages it.  Who they believe God is, because of the distortions created through the abuse, and who God really is, is an important thing to help the survivor examine.  The survivor can begin to repair their experience of God by the example of a good and true Christian life modeled by the helper.

Often, one of the basic questions asked by a survivor of ritual abuse is “Where was God when these things happened to me?”  This is one of the foundational problems created by the abuse: the idea that God didn’t care, or that He wasn’t powerful enough to help the survivor. If the helper can model faith while they’re relationally tested and can be patient and compassionate as the survivor experiences emotions such as hopelessness; and if  the helper can remain strong and trusting in God no matter what things look like, then the survivor can begin to see that there is something more, that might have been missed, about who God is. Survivors can begin to see that God can come through for them, too. Since the helper isn’t giving up on the survivor, maybe God hasn’t given up either.

svali: can you share more about what a healthy relationship with a therapist or supporter would look like?

Jo: It is someone who deeply cares about the survivor and puts the survivor’s needs first. The helper must maintain the ability to manage their own needs and set consistent, healthy boundaries. Survivor’s bonding experiences in the past came from abusive relationships, it’s a trauma bond, and the perpetrator makes it all about what they need; and all bonds that are formed are through manipulation. Trauma bonds do involve love, but most often the perpetrators  themselves are not free to demonstrate any kind of real love without manipulation and abuse involved in the bond.

svali; What I am hearing you say is that an important part of a good therapeutic relationship is offering a healthy alternative to a trauma bond to the person.

Jo: yes.  And a healthy bond would involve the client understanding that I am there for them; and that I am there to help them.  I am not interested in a manipulative, self-seeking relationship, but in one that really puts the person’s needs first, takes care of them first. That provides safety for them to actually heal.


Part two of this interview will discuss questions that survivors often ask

Dealing with Torture

Trigger warning: discusses torture and Christian faith

Several years ago, I wrote an article about torture: the psychological effects, and how people respond to it.  This article is a bit different. I want to write about how to remember having been tortured, and still keep your faith that God is good, and the world still has good people in it.

Torture is a difficult topic; in fact, the very word can bring up terrible images for many people.  This is the “stick” used in the reward and punishment sequences used to put in programming.

It starts in the womb for many survivors, and goes on throughout childhood and even into the adult years, until an individual chooses to get out.

It causes immense physical, emotional and spiritual effects in those who survive.  In this article, I want to address this pain, and share some thoughts.

The most devastating effect of torture is that the survivor believes that God is bad, because they were hurt badly.

This is a common, and understandable reaction, that has plenty of help from the programmers, who tell the individual “See, God hates you, or you wouldn’t be getting hurt like this” and other lies.  A fetus may be surgically removed from the womb and tortured on a table by a programmer who tells the fetus that they are “God” and the pain is because of the fetus’s “disobedience” (i.e. trying to escape a needle or shock within the womb).

Prenatal and infant torture creates implicit memories (emotional memories without the actual full recall) of pain, rage and anger. The fetus or infant becomes enraged at God, who has supposedly abandoned them to this type of torment, and at all mankind, since they were hurt by people.

This is the root of the rage that is used to install assassin and other programming internally, and the unconscious fear of disobedience that keeps many survivors afraid to get free.  This pain also makes it difficult later in life to pray or trust God at all, after all, He didn’t seem to “be there” when the survivor needed Him most: their point of deepest pain and grief.

There is no “easy” or pat answer to this kind of pain.  I remember asking in the depth of my pain, as I recalled core fetal traumas that involved terrible torture in the womb, “Why did God allow this to happen to me?” Christian answers such as “Because people have free will” or “Because the devil made them do it” made me want to smack the other person.  I remember thinking “If free will is why, then people shouldn’t have so much free will…God made a mistake giving us free will…I will take less free will and no pain if this is what free will means!” I ALREADY knew the “devil made them do it” and that didn’t heal the pain or make me feel better at all; it just made me feel as if he must have an awful lot of power if he could get people to do things that hurt me this badly.

If you are a survivor, don’t rush to come up with explanations. Don’t try to “let God off the hook” as a way to stop your processing your pain or rage at what happened to you.  I don’t believe there are any easy answers to this; and that we may not fully understand until we meet Him in heaven.

Until then, I do believe God is big enough and loving enough to be able to take our heartfelt cries of pain, hear them, and understand.  He can sit with us through the process of hearing exactly how we felt about it all, and will even meet us and bring comfort.

If you are a therapist, or someone who supports survivors you need to be patient as the survivor processes their pain. They don’t need answers; they need someone who can sit with them where they are in their pain, and be there.

I believe that each person, in their journey, will find at least some answers that help, but this is individual. I remember working on some terrible torture memories, and sobbing, asking God “WHY?” As I did, I felt that I heard Him answer, not why, but what. He reminded me that when Jesus was on the cross, He experienced every single thing I had gone through, willingly, in order to provide for my healing. How He could take prenatal torture and tech torture, I don’t have a theology for, but I believe it.

Jesus understands our deepest griefs, because somehow, He has been there too.  In Hebrews, it says that we don’t have a high priest that hasn’t been touched by our weaknesses, and it is true.  He really, truly “gets it”; and knows how awful it really is.

It takes letting God go back to the point in time where you were wounded, to find healing. Again, I don’t fully understand how all this works, except that God is outside of time. As I prayed through many of my prenatal torture memories, I had other memories: that in the womb, I “hummed” (without sound in the watery environment), and that I was recalling the beautiful melodies I had heard in heaven prior to conception;  that God never abandoned me, but instead, I turned away from Him in anger because of the pain, and that He was willing to heal even this.

I admit freely that I don’t fully comprehend a universe where evil such as I remember exists. This is one reason that so many churches fear supporting survivors of ritual abuse and mind control: it messes with their theology, in which evil is limited. The things survivors report undergoing bring this theology (which feels safe and comfortable) into question.

I do believe that God is greater than any evil. The devil is not nearly as powerful as he would like people to think (otherwise, why would he have to pick on unborn children and infants, the only audience he can get to truly believe his nonsense)?  The devil has no real power, other than what we give him; this is why he tries to target unborn children with no outside experience to combat his lies.

But God can heal even this.  The God of the Bible can stop Satan with a word, and frequently does.  He does put limits on the evil that a person undergoes in their lifetime, and in His love, provides them with people that care and support them in their healing, whether a safe therapist, a good church, or a caring friend.

The devil is constantly communicating discouragement, defeat and despair, but God communicates the opposite throughout our lives, if we are willing to hear: unfailing love, amazing hope and abundant joy.  This is the heart’s response, as the traumatized survivor realizes that God really does love him or her; that He never failed to care and has always wanted to protect and heal.

The answer to torture and evil? The knowledge that regardless, God is good, and wants to heal, bless and protect. This is His true heart towards us, that no amount of programming can change or take away.






The Source of Hope

(trigger warning: Christian content)

I believe in sharing the truth, helping others become aware of the realities of what is going on in the world behind the scenes, and admire many who have chosen to expose to the light the dark realities at work in politics, finance, the media, and other areas.

At the same time, I also feel it is important to balance this with looking at the source of hope and healing; to the answer to all the terrible things that go on in the occult and mind control realms. Otherwise, it would be all too tempting to despair, or wonder “can anything really be done?”

This is when I go to the source of hope in my own healing journey: the LORD, who loves me and all mankind, and who has the answer to the darkness.  The answer, as one philosopher put it so well, is not to curse the darkness (although I must admit that I have in the past cussed out some pretty high-level folks who were engaged in it), but instead, to light a light to dispel it.

This light has a name: Yeshua HaMeshiach (Jesus the Messiah) of the Bible. I remember once when I was going through tremendous warfare; the type that makes you feel as though every demon of hell has been sent against you; the despair was like black clouds, and I wondered if I would live through the night (okay, I admit I have a tendency to piss off people in high ranks, so experiences like this have happened more than once).

In the midst of this, I prayed one of my favorite prayers: “HELP, God!”  And He showed up, and literally shoved it back. Not because I am good, or deserved it, but because He is kind. I felt His incredible love surround me, as He held me and comforted me, and gave me hope.

Not wanting to lose the chance to ask Him a question firsthand to help, I asked Jesus, “What should I do when this kind of warfare starts up? How can I get it to stop happening?” His answer surprised me. He stood in front of me, and said simply, “Look at Me.” He was reminding me to look to Him when the battle gets furious, and to remember that He conquered it all.

I can state with great certainty that the only reason I am alive today, and sharing what I do on my blog, is the love and protection of the true God (I use the term “true” to differentiate from  the fake setups with actors portraying “god” and “jesus”).  His love and protection are available to anyone who cries out to Him for help.

He truly is the source of hope in the healing journey.


The Hierarchy of the Occult

The occultic world operates within a hierarchy model, and the groups that are occultic are very aware of this hierarchy – and the rules that govern it.

In each nation, there are local cult groups that operate, that often report to national and/or international groups that oversee their region. For an active cult member to move to a new region, they must often get permission from both the local groups, and the larger groups that oversee them.

Throughout the world, there are 12 international occultic groups around the world that have been given established territories and privileges within those regions, and one that oversees them all.

The Twelve international groups include the Illuminati, Rosicrucians, Knights Templar, Knights of Malta, Opus Dei, Magnificat , Trinity, Manus Deum,  and four others (including one with its headquarters in Jerusalem).

Overseeing all of these groups is one based in Rome: The Jesuits (Society of Jesus).  All other occultic societies acknowledge the headship of the Jesuits, and their pivotal role in bringing in the New World Order.

I know, because I was a Jesuit; this was the part of my history that was formerly missing earlier in my healing. My Illuminati memories are real, but they were the “cover” programming to hide my past. One of the best kept secrets of the Jesuits is that since 1912, they allowed women into their order (and programmed them from infancy on as agents) – and that since 1975, they could be a ranking general (the Jesuits have 12 top generals, each who oversees a territory in the United States, who all report to their Superior General, commonly known as the Black Pope).  I know, because before I left the Order, I was fourth general and the head trainer for the Jesuits, the first woman to achieve that rank.

The facility I mention being born in was located in Rome, in the northern part of the city.

Two years ago, I wrote a book describing my memories of the Jesuit order, which I shared privately with two therapists.  I have chosen not to publish it publicly, but I will share that I am quite aware of how they make their money, program their agents and of their desire that the man they call “the desire of the nations” and “the light of the world” will rule the world.

I have found two books online that very much validate my own memories of the Jesuits.

The first is an older book written in the 1800’s by a man who began Jesuit training, then left it when he discovered the terrible truth about this order: The Jesuit conspiracy: Secret Plan of the Order by Jacopo Leone. This book can be found free online.  It takes a bit of wading through, but the information is there.

The second was written more recently: Pedophilia & Empire: Satan, Sodomy and The Jesuits as the Vatican’s Order of Assassins  by Joachim Hagopian.  While I do not know the author, and cannot vouch for any of his other writings (I have not read them), this one is well-researched, absolutely true, and outlines the truth about the Jesuits.

I do want to caution those who read these books: they are not “light” reading at all, but they very much expose some of the machinations the Jesuit fathers have been involved in behind the scenes. There is a reason why the term “Vatican spy” caused monarchs and heads of state to tremble over the years; they knew the Vatican had placed well-trained reporters in their courts disguised as advisors and teachers. It is no accident that the Jesuits trained the youth of the highest families in Europe.

It is important to understand that the 12 societies, and the Jesuits, do not really control the world. There is another who is really in charge of history: the LORD God of the Bible. The plans of the occultic hierarchies are destined to fail, and the messianic kingdom will rule when the occultic kingdoms fall.  This is when the true “light of the nations” (who is nothing like the fake the New World Order will put forward) will rule with peace and love. His name is Jesus Christ, and He will put the armies of the NWO to flight with a word from His mouth.