Healing is a process

Was I Illuminati or Jesuit? Healing is a Process

Since I started my blog, I have received several emails asking why there appear to be several differences between the personal history related in my newer articles, and the ones I wrote several years ago (available at this site). This post will explain why.

Healing dissociation is a process. Often, memories come in ‘layers’ or ‘stages’, filling in previously missing gaps in the story, or shedding new light on an old story. In a way, it is like the process of completing a jigsaw puzzle: small portions of the puzzle are filled in initially, but the ability to view the “whole picture” only occurs as more pieces come together. It is a natural part of the process of healing from dissociation and mind control, to progressively learn more about one’s history and self, as one’s faith grows and different parts (including the host) increasingly experiences the blessings of internal cooperation and healing. In this post, I will describe two major ‘stages’ of discovering my life history: knowing that I was working for the Illuminati, and knowing that I was in the Jesuit order.

One of the most outstanding differences between my first set of svali posts (written roughly twenty years ago) and my posts from the last two years is this: I had written back then that I was a member of the Illuminati; in many of my more recent posts (2017-2019), I write that I was a member of the Jesuit order, and have described in no less detail various aspects of a childhood and adulthood in the order.

Both sets of posts describe my life history. They are not mutually exclusive experiences. I worked in the Illuminati in the US, and was also a part of the Jesuit order. When I first began my healing, my first layer of cult-related memories was of being an Illuminati programmer in the United States. I was in my American system of parts, and was mainly learning about the traumas and cult activities that I had been involved in within the US.  The process of addressing the dissociation and healing from the memories that were coming was very difficult. Having to decide what to do and how to move forward with God as I realized that I was not just ‘making it all up’ was very difficult. As difficult as it already was, I assumed (wrongly) without exploring further that the Illuminati memories already represented all of my cult-related life history. My posts from twenty years ago reflect this perspective.

While I did not realize at that point that significant portions of my personal history were still dissociated, I was aware that I had not fully healed yet. I had several responsibilities during that time (including raising my children after I received custody and working 2-3 jobs to make ends meet). During this time, I stopped writing my svali posts online for a period of time. Finally, in 2006, I  had the opportunity to spend two years fulltime on healing (I went completely offline at this time).

During this two years, I journaled intensely, often up to 8 hours a day. This was when more of my life history came forward, as parts deeper within began to share. I discovered that the work for the Illuminati in America was only part of my life, and I actually was part of the Jesuit order. I learned that I had not only been a programmer for the Illuminati, but had been one for the Jesuit order. I also discovered the cult had constructed identities and life histories, ‘presentations’, for other parts of me in other nations, with other names and families. I learned that my very name, family and life in America was also a ‘constructed identity’ by the cult and that I had been assigned to work with the Illuminati in the US for the Jesuits since I was a child. My American mother was one of my main trainers in America, I first met her as a very young child at the Jesuit training facility in Rome (She was not my only trainer, I had several others).  She, along with Dr. Timothy Brogan and others, had helped program my American system of parts to only remember life in America and to completely believe that she, my stepfather and my sister were my only family.

This new set of memories overseas was no less heartbreaking and shocking for me to uncover. Again, my sense of who I was and my history as I had understood it, was shaken. On many days, it felt like I had to process my life story all over. A couple of supportive friends who were crucial to my healing during that time, and what I had learned during the earlier phase of healing about God’s faithfulness, comfort, ability to bring truth, dealing with denial and so on truly helped me through this extremely painful phases of my journey. The fact that before 2006 – 2008 I did not remember this portion of my history does not invalidate what I wrote in my earlier articles; I just didn’t have this part of the story yet when I wrote them. Healing is a process, and memories may be held by several layers of parts. It does not invalidate the memories of one part, if they are unaware of the history of the others. The fuller picture unfolds as the person progresses in healing.

It has not been easy learning why I had not remembered my Jesuit memories earlier in my healing journey: I had deep attachments with the fathers who had raised (and programmed) me. While much of what I had with the fathers were in fact ‘trauma-bonds’ (they had traumatized then rescued me to create dependence), there was also love and affection – they had been my world, and I lived to please them since early childhood. As a very young child, I had promised them that I would never betray them. ‘Not betraying’ and remaining loyal to them meant that I could never remember the Order if I tried to heal, and that I would never address my deeper programming and break the mind control that they had installed. It had been ‘easier’ for me to address my Illuminati memories as I did not have the same depth of investment in protecting them or being loyal to them as I did the Jesuits. As a child and adult serving the Jesuits, my life in the Illuminati in the US was one of my ‘jobs’/‘assignments’, but the Jesuits were who I then felt were my ‘real’ family and home.

I started to know and process these memories as God helped me to realize to a deeper level that healing and rejecting the group’s programming to not remember was not a betrayal (that was a deception introduced when I was very young in order to control me), and that it did not mean that I did not care. Wanting my mind to be free did not mean that I was hurting the fathers. I started to learn more about my Jesuit history after growth in several areas of my life: knowing that God cared about people in the Order and wanted them to know the truth too; knowing that God loved me enough to hold me through the grief and anguish that would come as discovered my Jesuit memories; knowing that God could protect my heart, mind and body as I addressed the deeper programming and parts related to this aspect of my life history; knowing that God could help me to know truth and cut through all the confusion and pain. Basically, increased faith and understanding of God’s love and power enabled me to start remembering and processing my Jesuit memories; earlier in the journey, I did not have the capacity to do so. This stage of my healing came too as my system of parts grew utterly tired of being mind controlled to keep secrets, being only partially healed and vulnerable to the cult, and decided to ‘risk’ trusting God to heal.

My memories of having been programmed in a facility overseas, and being part of the Jesuit order with large parts of my life being in Vatican, have been consistent since 2007. I have been blessed with direct validation for some of my memories as well. I have also noted that my statistics for site visitors have often shown more visitors from Italy to my site, than any other country. There are several possible reasons for this: what I write may resonate with Italian survivors; there could be a deep desire to learn about dissociation and deprogramming within this country; or other reasons. I pray that my posts bless those who read them, including those in Italy.

I do hope that explaining the healing journey will be helpful in promoting understanding of the process a bit more.

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Prayer Resource book

Prayer Warrior 2 is a new book just published by CARE, Inc. This book offers a brief discussion of various terms, issues and types of programming seen in survivors of ritual abuse and mind control, with prayers following to address them.

I believe it will be a valuable resource for those who help survivors, and survivors. Please be aware, if a survivor, that the topics addressed could be very triggering, with descriptions of various forms of programming in many of the chapters.

The print version can be found here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1082594067/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=prayer+warriors+2&qid=1564438695&s=books&sr=1-1

The Kindle ebook version can be found here: https://www.amazon.com/Prayer-Warrior-II-Prayers-Healing-ebook/dp/B07VPR58ZW/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=prayer+warriors+2&qid=1564438695&s=books&sr=1-2

 

 

Why the core or original child may fear healing

While some literature presents the “core”, “original self” or “original child” (I’ll use the term “core” in the rest of this post as being protected from trauma, the reality is that in groups that use mind control, the core will also undergo extensive programming. This programming can include:

  • Programming to fear feeling intense emotions based upon traumas experienced, such as terror or despair, and teaching the core to “give” these emotions to primary emotional controllers, or splits, who take the burden of these feelings for the systems. These emotional holders are then placed under demonic control, with the agreement by both the core and the holders to allow satan/demons/entities control the emotions to help drive internal obedience and loyalty.
  • Programming to believe that without dissociation, the core will be unable to survive. This may be put in using various scenarios, from literally being put to death and resurrected using technology after a “coming together” VR is run, or similar ones.  If the individual begins healing, and their programs begin failing, this can trigger terror and retaliation at the core level, due to this fear.
  • Programming to bond to a “savior” from pain/trauma/terror: the core will be put into terrifying situations either prenatally, or soon after birth. The only “rescue” comes from the main trainer, or the demonic entity the group wishes the individual to be bonded to. This bond keeps the core locked into an internal “bubble” inside, since out of love for this individual, and the fear of their displeasure/anger, the core has agreed to never come out and present, unless this individual (or individuals; most individuals are bonded to at least three primary bonds) is present
  • Undergoing programming scenarios in which “healing” or “integration” cause immense pain. These are used to teach the core to fight any healing work done by the other systems. This type of conditioning will often begin prenatally. If the individual attempts to enter therapy, or to heal, they may feel immense resistance not only from programming of the presentation, but from the core as well.
  • Programming to feel only loved by the main trainer or entity the group worships, and to feel rejected/abandoned by all others. This includes having the birth mother completely reject the fetus, and then the others the fetus is to bond to speaking loving words. The core will then associate “healing” and leaving the group as losing this special love, which the core believes has helped him/her survive an extremely painful life.
  • Anti-Christian programming: this is also done to the core as well, to prevent a decision to embrace Christianity at core level. This is often modeled initially by the birth mother (who is traumatized by a false “jesus” actor); and later, the fetus is also traumatized by a “jesus” who shocks the fetus in the womb, etc.  If the individual attempts to pray, or allow the Christian God to help with healing, the core may react with terror, sabotage, or running retaliation programs to prevent this.

It is important to try to discover what types of conflicts regarding healing have been installed (they will be there; this is not left to chance). Instead of “pushing through” resistance in therapy (which will often result in kickback and intrasystem hostility), it is more helpful to ask “What do you believe will happen if this program stops running?” When the individual has reached the core level of healing, this type of dialogue, and addressing concerns and fears, will help the healing process.

The core does want to heal; but both the core and the other system parts may have been programmed with extensive trauma to fear this. Helping to address and resolve these traumas will help the entire system.

Growing Up International Part Five: Ages ten to twelve

I am writing these autobiographical articles to help others understand how some international occultic societies program their members. The information in the articles is specific to the group I was raised in, but many of the methods described are used by other groups.

Trigger Warning: this article contains graphic descriptions of trauma and programming setups

By age ten, most children raised at the facility are quite accomplished in various areas, including training (they are at an age where they now develop their own training plans for others, and can work independently in most areas); and are able to do fairly advanced military exercises.

These years are basically used to build upon the previous skills learned, and to provide increasing opportunities to work independently in preparation for entering adult roles, which occurs at age 12 or 13, when they become full fathers in the order.

The scenarios and challenges given are increasingly complex, and the child will begin multi-tasking. Computer and hacking skills are now at an advanced level as well. While formal schoolwork is done, it is increasingly supplemented by more advanced practical skills in areas, such as:

  • Performing surgery, including fetal transplants (assisting at first, then developing the ability to do so over time)
  • Prenatal programming interventions
  • Monitoring and evaluating baselines and outcomes for infants and children being programmed in the labs, and developing individualized training plans for review by the adult trainers, as well as problem-solving
  • Increasing complex field missions, ranging from infiltration, to gathering intelligence
  • Overseeing other children, and modeling skills and tasks
  • Acting in increasingly complex roles in the programming labs (e.g., dressing in a specific role such as Lillith or Bel, and then combining this acting role with ongoing evaluation of how the child being programmed is responding to their script
  • Helping to develop new technology or designer drugs with adult mentors drawing from fields that include chemistry, organic chemistry, neurobiology and others
  • Dimensional travel (to the 12th and 13th dimensions) and advanced mage skills

The above are just a few examples of the skills that the children develop during the preteen years.  They also increase on baseline athletic skills, with daily martial arts, sparring, and use of weapons, as well as the ongoing military exercises.

By the age of twelve, the child is considered ready (or almost ready, there is some variance between children) to step into their adult role. The long-anticipated “coming of age” ceremony, and the receiving of a full father’s black robes to replace the brown acolyte’s robe will occur.

All of the children at the facility, as well as selected leadership  from the other 12 international occultic groups, come to the initiation into full fatherhood ceremony (note: females as well as males are are given male names in the order, and are addressed as “father” after completing this rite). This is the ceremony in which the child Anthony becomes “Father Anthony”.

The initiation ceremony begins early in the morning (at dawn), at a private location where an arena is located. The circular arena is surrounded by seats, where the various leadership in the groups sit. Each section will have the group banner displayed overhead, and there are canopies to help protect from the hot sun.  The young father-to-be has been carefully instructed over the last year on what is expected, and how to perform their role. In the center of the arena are 1000 golden poles, with individuals of varying ages, from infancy to young adulthood tied.  The group of fathers-to-be will spend the day killing them all with special golden knives, in a mass sacrifice that initiates them into the order.

Because it is hot, and the work becomes difficult, they are allowed to drink from golden bowls that contain wine during the day. At first, the infants and young children set up a wail and a cry that is chilling, but gradually ,as the day goes on, silence slowly overtakes both children and young adults. As a sacrifice is completed, a portion of blood is collected in a special bowl, and taken to an altar at the center of the field (dedicated to Satan, called “Theo” or ‘god’ by the members of the order).

By the end of the day, the young initiates are exhausted, and weary in both body and soul; the wine does not numb the pain and awful, soul-deadening effect quite enough. Some of the initiates stagger, or even fall, from this weight; but they are expected to rise and continue without assistance, or they will be unable to receive their ordination. Most do, but occasionally one will fail to be able to. The other initiates are under orders to kill the one who fails and does not rise within 15 minutes to continue.

Finally, as the sun begins to fall in the west, the ordeal is over. The killings and sacrificial offerings are completed, and the young initiates present themselves to the council. They are then blessed, take the oath of obedience and loyalty, and are given their father’s robes. They have spent the day conducting sacrifices to show their complete obedience and loyalty to satan, and to bringing in his plan for the world. The members of the council greet the new fathers with a kiss and embrace, and then they are honored at a special banquet attended by the top leaders of the other societies, as well as the leadership in the Order.

After the feast, the new fathers are allowed to rest. Due to the oppressive effect of conducting mass ritual slayings, the fathers are allowed several needed days to rest and recover; days spent with those they love best. Each one is praised and given special time with their main mentors and parental figures in the order as a reward for completing this difficult ceremony.

Soon, they will begin their new life as a fully adult member of the order, working in their adult role. Childhood is now considered over, and their real work will begin: to pave the way for the coming occultic messiah, and to help implement a world that will be ruled by him.

 

Chart for Working on Internal Programs

Recently a survivor whose work I respect shared with me a chart they developed when working on dismantling their internal programming. With this individual’s permission (they wish to remain anonymous) I am sharing this chart on my blog. It makes a nice way to organize some of the internal work that is done when taking down internal programming.

Chart for profiling programs – the  main purpose of  this chart is to track what is coming  conscious, and to make a tangible record that the person is progressing in working with parts and the important bits of his/her history that are impacting the individual today.

Normally, a person will not be able to fill this in all at once; the information often comes in bits and pieces. At times, it may be hard, especially at first, to know which “category” to file something under.

Description of program:
Instructions (do/think/feel what, in what combination)  
Reasons program was ‘accepted ’ (such as threat to self, threat to a loved one, love bond to individual asking, etc.)  
Parts involved  
Main emotions involved  
Programming scenarios

(trauma and reward aspects)

 
Reasons program is still intact (this may include beliefs regarding what will happen if the program stops working)  
Other programs that get triggered when I work on this/Other programs associated with this program  
Observations when working on this program (physical sensations, thoughts, emotional responses,

impulses, etc).

Input from God, supporters, parts:
Positive changes, truths that parts want to see with regard to the instructions, emotions, beliefs, etc. as they heal:

 

Presenter Systems/Host Systems Programming

 Note: this describes some aspects of how presentation programming is done in some groups; this will vary greatly between organizations. It is  meant as an introduction to the topic, and is not  a complete description of all methods used, or all programs installed. 

The parts of an individual that often initially present in therapy or counseling have been variously labeled by therapists as the “presentation”, the “apparently normal part or ANP” or the “host”.  These are the parts that were created (with extensive help, if mind control is involved) to cover the fact that the individual has experienced traumatic, chronic abuse throughout childhood. In this book, we will call them “presenters” or “host system”.

An individual with mind control will be unable to do their assigned jobs well if it is obvious that they are traumatized, programmed and dissociated. This is one reason that a presenter or host system will be programmed in starting in the prenatal stage of life, and will be continuously reprogrammed throughout life: the presenters hide the reality of the individual’s real life history and skills not only from others, but from themselves.  They are considered a “cover”, under which the individual can look and act like one person, and act “normal”.  They are often considered the sheep that hide the “wolf” inside by groups that program them.

One myth is that the host, or presentation, has undergone less abuse than the other systems inside, and was split off to “protect” themselves from knowing how bad things were. This may be true for an individual who has not undergone mind control, in which case, the “core” and the “host” may be one and the same. But groups that use mind control will normally bury and hide the core behind layers of programming, and the parts that come out and live day to day life when outside of a cult facility may have undergone programming that is just as extensive, or even more so, than the assassins, warlocks and other parts that do not come out when interacting with non-cult members. The host or presentation in a mind controlled individual will often be one that has experienced some of the worst abuse within the system, and as a result, has made specific agreements to never disclose the abuse, and to perform in specific ways.

One example of this is programming of the presentation to embrace false, or “white” Christianity, instead of true Christianity. To prevent the individual from accepting true Christianity, the presentations may be put through various setups in which a false “Jesus” abuses them; where false church services are done, and the people in the setup all abuse the child while using typical Christian phrases such as “praise the Lord!” “Let me pray for you”, etc.  In other setups, the false “Jesus” is very loving and kind, embraces the child, comforts the child, and makes the child promise to always follow him, and to never allow the “other” (the real) Jesus near. Because the child bonds to the false “loving” Jesus, they agree. Because this Jesus is loving and kind, the individual may believe that he is the “real” one, until work on the anti-christian and false Christian programming in the host system is done. This false Jesus is much harder to detect than the angry, punishing one, and the individual will need to pray for the true God to show the difference. The end result is a presentation entering counseling that looks and sounds Christian, but with belief in a God and Jesus who are either powerless to save and heal, or who oppose true Christianity.

The host/presentation system entering into therapy with a background of mind control will often have extensive programming to have doubt, unbelief and denial raise up if the individual begins to recover memories of their abuse or rewards by the group that programmed them. If a memory comes forward, the person may have parts programmed to doubt their validity, and to doubt whether they can ever heal, or that God can ever heal them. In another layer, denial may come forward, causing the survivor to say that  the memories aren’t true, they are unbelievable, they must be made up, etc. The survivor will also deny God’s goodness, and will recover first memories that seem to confirm that God never showed up during their abuse; they will be programmed to deny and disbelieve the times that He did answer prayer.

There will often be parts in the presentation, connected to parts in every system, that also carry unbelief: even in the face of a miraculous answer to prayer, they will persist in having difficulty in believing that God answered them, or that He loves them. These parts have made prior agreements to always doubt, deny, or disbelieve the goodness and love of God, and the agreements and the traumas that caused the agreements to be made will need to be addressed.

The host system/ presentation is often one of the most cult loyal systems, due to its extensive programming. In order to do missions successfully, these parts must be able to switch in and out as needed to provide a cover. The amnesia to cult activity that survivors often report is due to an agreement by both the presenters and the parts that actively participate in rituals (which also include the presenters) to never remember and/or disclose this activity, not only to others, but to themselves. If a memory of participating in a ritual begins to come forward, the presentation will be programmed to deny what they are remembering, to disbelieve it, and to cast doubt on it. They may be flooded with “overwhelm”, crying and saying “I can’t stand to know this”, “this could never have happened to me”, “I will lose my faith if I believe this happened” and other reactions that prevent processing and healing of the traumas.

Accessing by a group using mind control will not occur in most cases without agreements by parts that this will occur. While survivors may report “abductions” and being dragged unwillingly to rituals, this is rarely the case in groups that use mind control. Instead, the presentation/Christian host has been programmed to agree to be accessed, and to believe that they can never prevent it or say “no” when a summons or signal (such as a knock at the door) comes. The parts that have been traumatized into making these agreements will need to break the agreements, and process their traumas, and also come to realize that they really do have a choice. It can help them to realize that people really do say “no” to access, and it works; they can be safe.

The presentation/host will often have extensive programming designed to keep amnesia going, especially regarding any evidence of ongoing cult activity (this will be discussed in more detail later in the chapter).  These parts have been programmed to ensure that the amnesia between parts inside continues, and involve agreements to never remember both by the presentation parts, and the parts that hold the memories.

An important part of presentation programming involves the use of buffers. Buffers may be located within a specific brainwave state (frequently, this is epsilon). The purpose of buffers is to create a stoical, unfeeling numbness that helps to hide the extensive trauma and feeling states further in. Buffers are charged with preventing the feelings involved with trauma (including recent activity such as being reprogrammed the night before, or attending a ritual two days ago) from intruding into the conscious awareness of the presentation. They act as emotionless guards, and do their jobs literally on pain of death, of self or of loved ones. Buffers have undergone extensive trauma to reach this state of feeling nothing, described by some as “blankness” or a state of “nothingness”.

The presentations will often be seated within various brainwave states. These include:

  • alpha (color-coded red): this is a relaxed state, and often includes parts with sexual programming
  • beta (color-coded blue): this is a slightly more alert wave state, and is where military and assassin programming may be located
  • gamma (color-coded green): this is a high-energy wavestate, and may be where loyalty to cult programming and to the group is located.
  • epsilon (color-coded grey-white): this is often where pain programming and buffer systems (split from the parts that learned to hold pain) is located.
  • theta (color-coded black): This is a low-energy brainwave state, and psychic ability is often seated in this state
  • delta (color codes may vary, with silver blue common): this is the brainwave state that came first, and which the other parts of the presentation are split from. Delta system is the controller for the other presentation parts and brainwave states, and will often hold memory files (coded based upon security level, and access to them guarded by delta) as well as internal programming and punishment files for the presentations.

 

 

Processing Mind Control Trauma

The following post was taken from an early draft of Prayer Warrior 2, a book with information about issues related to mind control and programming, and prayers related to these issues. The information was posted with permission from the author.

One of the foundations of mind control is unresolved memories of traumatic events. During the programming sessions, in which traumas such as torture occur, false beliefs are introduced which exert a powerful influence over the survivor until the memories are processed. Survivors can resist programming even before the traumas are processed, but it usually gets a lot easier when the memories are processed. This is because of how traumatic memories are stored in a dissociative survivor: the traumatic experience remains in the sensory and emotional processing areas of the brain which gives a visceral, emotional ‘punch’ to whatever instructions or beliefs the survivor was indoctrinated with during the trauma. This unconscious emotional drive remains until the traumatic event is processed and moves through these areas of the brain through the hippocampus into the cerebral cortex and becomes stored as conscious recall memory.

Also, during trauma, the desynchrony between the more primal areas of the brain dedicated to risk assessment and survival and the higher components of the brain dedicated to moral and rational thought creates a state in which the person will do ‘anything’ to stop the pain or threat. Until the memory is processed as the person is able to realize in the present that the threat felt in the trauma state is over, the individual will struggle with the emotions and beliefs that were present during the event. Once the memory is brought into conscious awareness and processed, the moral and rational centers of the mind will enable the person to evaluate the traumatic event and make meaning of it according to his or her paradigms and values , i.e. the person then has the ability to reject the messages given during the traumatic event and find new ones.

For instance, while processing a memory, a survivor who was told that his/her (forced) participation in a ritual event meant that he/she was evil can reject the lie that he/she was evil and see instead that he/she never wanted to do it and his/her heart was never evil; he/she would have never participated if given a choice. Instead of disowning this part of him/herself, the survivor can receive this part and the truth that he/she was never evil, only coerced beyond endurance at the time.

Programmers will try to prevent such memory processing so they can continue to exploit the trauma to control the survivor. To do so, they may deliberately ‘distribute’ the memory of an event into different parts of a survivor.  Different parts may hold the different sections of the narrative, the emotions, the physical sensations, the sense of time, the sense of self, the thoughts, the actions taken, the instructions given, etc. Fully processing the memory will involve putting together all these different components of the memory, with the help and cooperation of the different parts involved in the memory.

In order to process the memory, the survivor will need skills (which can be learned). These include: knowing how to allow God to lead and help in the process, noticing that it is safe enough in the present to start processing memories, commitment to the process, knowing how to process emotions (these come up when processing memories!), knowing how to regulate and pace the memory process; communicating with parts, resolving conflicts, identifying and understanding ‘blocks’ to the memory work (e.g., denial in the host), containing partially processed memories so he/she can return to them at a later time, managing daily life, sleep, etc. .

Fully processing and healing the memories of traumatic events not only involves ‘putting the different parts of the memory back together’, but it also involves connecting with God, the one who truly cares, in the memory and event itself. God never abandons anyone, especially traumatized children, though the survivor may feel this way as the memory and emotional pain come forward. God is able to reveal Himself in the places the memory has been encoded in the brain, bringing His comfort into the present within the memory and intervening directly where the pain and hurt is stored. His perspective of the event will be the most and only truthful version of the event: the cult will use the trauma to ‘enforce’ all kinds of lies about the survivor, about God, about the cult, such as: “If God/your parents loved you, you won’t be going through this,” “You’re being punished because you are evil,” “The cult can read your mind so never ever even think about disobeying”, “Nobody loves you,” etc. God’s presence and perspective will remove the sting and impact of the trauma on the survivor’s mind and life, as parts connect with His truth about what happened to them, and what those events really meant about themselves.

The process of processing and healing memories can be slow, confusing at times, often difficult and painful but it does bring healing. It deepens the survivor’s awareness of his/her own value, of how he/she fought to retain her own humanity and how his/her heart survived, despite whatever actions he/she may have been coerced into. It deepens the survivor’s relationship with God as she/he understands more and more that He never left him/her and can redeem anything done to the individual, and anything he/she has has done. It opens the survivor up to life, peace, joy and new relationships, as the mind control over his/her choices break. It is a process that is completely worth the effort, and God is close to the survivor every step of the way.