AddressingCommon Challenges to Healing Work

By Jo Getzinger

Note: the following material is from the upcoming New Training Manual for those who Help Survivors from CARE; used with permission

1. Demonic Control

Survivors of ritual abuse not only need to greatly increase their joy capacity in order to consciously handle their horrific stories held in the unconscious mind; they also often experience demonic control over the emotions, information and parts that contain those memories.  During ritual events, survivors are frequently forced to accept demonic spirits over parts.  Demonic spirits then dictate to those parts the amount of disclosure, if any, intensify traumatic emotions and they can flood memories and traumatic emotions if memories do begin to emerge in order to overwhelm the survivor.  Parts who have cooperated with agreements to commit sin in rituals (these parts are often coerced through threats or punishment and torture) are vulnerable to continued demonic control and punishment due to un-repented sin.  The sin gives ground to the demonic to continue to control these parts. 

Furthermore, parts are often reluctant to accept Jesus and His forgiveness because of the programming to believe He would never accept them; they could never be forgiven for the evil they participated in; and/or through cult trickery the parts are convinced that Jesus is duplicitous, evil, condemning and untrustworthy (parts have been introduced to false Jesus actors who are actually cult members dressed up like the historical Jesus and then participate in evil). Clarity regarding who Jesus really is is important for healing this wound.

Important truths for addressing demonic hindrance to memory work

– God is willing and able to forgive all sin committed by the survivor

– Vows, covenants and agreements made with the demonic, whether under duress or ‘freely given’, are NOT permanently binding and can be broken (the demonic do not truly keep their sides of the agreements anyway). They are also sin and should be repented of, renounced and revoked.

– These spirits are easily removed by the true Jesus as the survivor repents and gives Him permission to do so

2. Vows and Agreements

In cult rituals, survivors are often ordered to take vows and agreements against their healing.  Common agreements in the form of vows are “not to remember” the ritual or traumatic event.  This vow will commonly manifest in the presenter system or host system as saying, “I don’t know” to any question asked that pertains to the traumatic event.  The host is unconsciously repeating the very vow they originally agreed to take.  This becomes a continued agreement with the demonic to keep the information buried in the unconscious.  When the host utters the words “I don’t know”, she agrees to forget again and nothing is remembered.  Through the perceived experience of the host, these words anchor to nothing and she really feels like she does not know.  It is common to find parts in the system with the name and role “I don’t know”.  These are blockers to remembering and healing.  Until the host and presenter systems are ready to challenge vows like “I don’t know” and repent of agreements made with the demonic, memory work will likely be impeded. 

3. Internal Conflicts

In internal conflicts regarding memory work, there are parts who want the memory work to happen, and parts who do not. These conflicts are often invoked by concerns about the ‘cost’ or ‘consequences’ of the memory work: beliefs that memory work would lead to insanity, chaos, destruction or jailtime; beliefs that memory work would cause loved ones to be hurt by the cult; beliefs that God can’t really help with memory work so bad things will still happen, and so on.

Parts who are reluctant to trust the true Jesus have likely been taught to trust only themselves and their own self-strength and self-sufficiency and to do the cult’s bidding because it appear to be the path of least resistance.  These parts were subjected to dealing with the demonic and cult member’s torture, rewards and punishment system from the time they were young. This causes them to readily make deals with the demonic and cult members in order to survive and save love ones.  These loved ones (those who the parts are purposefully bonded to in the cult group) are also threatened by the cult and used by the cult to blackmail the survivor into vows and agreements against one’s own healing and doing evil deeds for the cult to buy time for self and others to survive.  They often believe they have no choice but to continue to cooperate by attending rituals in order to minimize punishment from demonic torture and increase rewards (perceived saving self and others from punishment while receiving other fleshly perks). 

The rituals always require a price to pay to demonstrate obedience and loyalty to the demonic and cult members.  While saving self and those they love from punishment, they are forced to participate in harm to those the cult has chosen as victims.  Frequently, those they love are also victimized but not as badly they are told as these loved ones would be treated if the parts decide to become disobedient to the cult.  The evil deeds the parts are forced to do to show their loyalty and accept vows “not to remember” in order to buy survival for themselves and loved ones becomes a demonically enforced amnesic barrier to the traumatic event.  This is coupled with the fear that the cult and the demonic will carry through with their threats that worse will happen to self or loved ones if the disobedience continues and more is remembered and reported to outsiders.  It is common for survivors to report seeing internal walls that keep the survivor from seeing what is behind the wall.  This can be a self-constructed wall patterned after a real wall where the original trauma took place.   This serves to remind the host that she cannot go past the wall or she will remember what she does not want to see.  There is often forced sacrificing in front of this wall to make a covenant not to remember anything beyond the wall or anything done in front of that wall to seal the memory in unconsciousness.

The internal conflict is the desire to remember and heal while also not wanting to remember because it is too awful to remember and something worse will happen if it is remembered.  Hopefully, the above example of this common internal conflict clarifies why these conflicts need time and work between the survivor and helper together.  THIS WORK CANNOT BE RUSHED.  If the helper gets pushy or impatient with these parts who feel as if theirs and their loved ones’ very survival is riding on discovering the truthful and correct answers to their dilemma, they will withdraw and continue to strike bargains with the demonic and cult members. 

The conflicted part’s questions must be answered to their satisfaction about the historical true and living Savior, Jesus.  There must be time given to them to test the truth of His Word by attempting to give Him some control to see if He is consistent and powerful enough to protect parts from demonic retaliation.  They must have time to begin a relationship with the true Jesus to experience His great love for them.  I have never seen the LORD introduce Himself to parts in an impatient, pushy way.  He is willing to wait patiently and will gently be a helper to them when they are ready to ask.  He is always “an ever present help in times of trouble” Psa. 46:1.  When parts are satisfied that they have their questions answered, the deceptive beliefs that were infused by the cult conquered, and the character of the true Jesus firmly understood and experienced, they will be ready to ask Him to forgive vows they made and evil deeds done.  They will be able to trust Him to protect themselves and loved ones from demonic and cult retaliation instead of continuing to bargain with terrorists for their lives. 

They will need to see from you, the helper, the modeling of LORD’s true character (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, thoughtfulness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control).  Once they see that there are real Christians who do their best to live out the gospel, the host can learn to model the same to parts. They will be drawn to the LORD’s character and love because you and the host have been consistently demonstrating the loving-kindness of the LORD to them.  They will be more open to believing the LORD is different from the example they saw in the cult because of the example of your life and they will be open to experiencing His love directly from Him.  You and the host are often His bridge to these wounded and deceived parts who carry some of the greatest conflicts and obstacles to healing.  We will discuss more on various common internal conflicts in a later chapter.

The overarching purpose of ritual abuse and mind control: remaking man in Satan’s image

The staff at CARE will be publishing a new training manual for helping survivors of ritual abuse and mind control. The information in it is excellent, and below is a short excerpt from one of the chapters in the book (used with permission). Trigger warning: describes ritual abuse, mind control, cult control.

When encountering ritual abuse and mind control, people often ask, “Why? What’s the point of this? Why are they even doing this?” While different cults can state their ‘reasons’ for the abuse and other activities they engage in, such as  “To establish the new world order where mankind will finally enjoy peace”, “To free mankind from the limitations God placed on them”, “To shepherd mankind”, “To be the secret, wise leaders behind the current world leaders”, “To bring the return of the Nephilim,” “To make the children strong and fit to lead”, “To protect our nation”, “To worship and serve Satan who wants the advancement of mankind, unlike God who wants to limit mankind”, “To understand and go beyond the limits of the human mind”, “To gain power”, “To make money” and so on, I believe that to truly understand the why of ritual abuse and mind control, we have to examine the spiritual matters behind the discourses and practices of the cults. That is to say, we have to understand the intent and purpose of Satan and the other spiritual beings who continually seek to destroy mankind.

Ephesians 6:12 states: For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

The enemy is Satan, not the members of the cult, no matter how abusive, depraved or committed to a satanic or Luciferian agenda they may be. It is critical to keep this truth in mind. While we acknowledge that they are involved in grievous sin, acknowledge with both anger and grief the harm done to their victims, and support survivors in taking any necessary steps to find safety, we cannot have the attitude that cult members are our or the survivor’s enemy (even if you hear they are doing witchcraft against your church, leaving dead animals on your doorstep or other very disturbing things). In hearing the horrific, inhumane activities of the cult, one must not lose sight of the fact that enemy is not the human abusers (who have indeed sinned greatly and must repent of their sin against God and people), but the spiritual forces of evil.

God loves each member of the cult and longs for their repentance. He wants the church to love and help the worst occult abuser. He longs that they would receive His mercy rather than judgment, and that they find healing for the childhood wounds and strongholds that have them repeating the sins of their fathers. In fact, in examining the underlying reasons that any cult member continues in their activities, these reasons are usually rooted in unresolved early childhood terrors of pain, abandonment and death (See Section 2). No matter how high-ranking within their respective cult a person may be, at the most fundamental level there is a frightened, abused inner child; under all the high-sounding philosophy and propaganda of political and/or occult power and ascension, the person’s goal is survival.

Satan, on the other hand, the one described clearly in the Bible as our enemy who longs to devour, is committed to the destruction of mankind to spite both man and God. His ultimate purpose in ritual abuse and mind control can be summed up as follows: to ‘remake’ man and women in his image in order to completely control, use, then destroy them, and in doing so, wound God’s heart. Cults who worship and obey him, who execute the strategies he gives them for administering the cult and whatever affairs they are involved in, who listen to him for ideas on how to torture and ‘train’ their children, who act according to his lies that they will one day rule the earth with him and his son, who believe the lies that it is a good idea to have Nephilim walk the earth again, who believe the lies that they have occult ‘power’, and the lies that they have the right to ‘rule’ in a town, city, country, region or the world in this present day, are frankly very deceived.

The rest of this chapter discusses the attempts of Satan and the other spiritual forces of evil to remake mankind into Satan’s and other demonic images on the individual and collective level through ritual abuse and mind control.

1. Remaking of man and women on the individual level

Through trauma, conditioning and covenants from a person’s earliest years, Satan attempts to ‘remake’ a human being (who was designed in God’s image with a heart and conscience), into his own image: a person who thinks, feels, and acts like Satan would in every circumstance (See Sections 2, 3 and 4 for descriptions of this process). To be like Satan, a person will have to be able to lie without caring, steal without conscience, kill with no compunction and destroy for the sake of destruction. In hearing survivor accounts of cult activities, it would appear that ritual abuse and mind control are very capable of producing people who are disconnected from their own humanity and are willing to do anything Satanic, and even appear to enjoy it.  For instance, survivors have shared stories of being impregnated by their own fathers year after year, then being forced to kill and consume the infant upon birth as a sacrifice to Satan, and as they grew older, forcing their own children into similar activities. Survivors have shared other stories of torture, occult activity and murder, both as victims and as perpetrators, that go beyond the goriest horror movie, comic or novel.

A person who thinks, feels and acts like Satan will also hate God and be full of pride, wanting to be ‘like God’ and set his/her throne above God’s throne, whether literally or figuratively. Satan teaches cult children to hate and blame God for their abuse and any pain in the world, and to see God as being ultimately the one who causes mankind pain or as the one ‘holding mankind back’. He also teaches children in the cult (through their programmers) to believe that they can be like God, or ‘ascend’ through the various spiritual practices of the cult, in particular, through worship and obedience to him. Satan also teaches them to hate Christians, and to viciously turn on and persecute any cult member who truly chooses Christianity and to leave the cult, and to attack, discredit and discourage Christians who are helping cult survivors. Survivors have shared about acts of gratuitous blasphemy, as well as missions and assignments to damage Christian churches and organizations. This hate is also directed at any secular organization or individuals endeavoring to help survivors heal or that oppose the agendas of the groups in any way.

Satan is duplicitous, masquerading as an angel of light while being a bringer of darkness with the intent to destroy. Cult members are duplicitous, being satanic, Luciferian or ‘dark’ in one side of their minds, and being ‘Christian’ , ‘normal’ or ‘light’ in the other side of their minds. In one side, a cult member can act like a wolf to destroy others, and on the other side, be the gentlest man in the neighborhood who brings soup to the shut-in elderly. A cult member may ‘infiltrate’ a church masquerading as a gifted intercessor who loves the scriptures and just wants to serve the leadership, but secretly sow discord, jealously and suspicion among the fulltime and lay leadership over a period of years. A cult parent may chide the teacher at his child’s elementary school for unfairly accusing his child of disrespect and insist his child be moved to another class, but hand this same child over for sexual abuse during cult events. A cult teenager may attend the youth group at church to ‘learn more about God’, but have parts who have the assignment to befriend and lead the senior pastor’s children into sexual sin.

In his dealings with men, Satan ‘hijacks’ what God offers mankind – adoption into a ruling family with full sonship where they are loved, secure and have purpose. This is not because Satan admires God – but because Satan knows that these are the very things that the human heart was created to need and want! Therefore Satan imitates these very things to deceive and entice men: Satan offers ‘sonship’ to members of cults who practice ritual abuse and mind control. He leads them to believe that they know his will, a will that he deludes them into believing includes peace and prosperity, a good hope and a future for them. In imitation of how Jesus is seated at God’s right hand, Satan promises cult members that they will rule with him. As Jesus was loyal as a son to His Father’s house and lived to do His Father’s will, Satan expects cult members to be completely ‘loyal’ and live to do what he tells them to do. As the Bible describes one of our signs of sonship is God’s discipline of us and that Jesus himself was made perfect through suffering, so Satan leads cult members to believe that the pain and suffering they endure growing up in the cult is loving ‘discipline’ and ‘training’ to ‘make them strong’, and that any torture for disobedience or failure is ‘correction’ and ‘love’. Alongside this propaganda, survivors have shared being told to call Satan or other designated spirits ‘father’ or even ‘papa’ or ‘daddy’ in certain rituals or contexts, and Satan and other spirits calls them ‘my son’ or ‘my daughter’ in return. 

In short, a fully trained and successfully programmed cult member is like Satan: he or she is duplicitous, capable of acts of harm against others without any compassion or hearing from their consciences, hating and wanting to elevate himself or herself above God, is committed to fulfilling Satan’s will on earth and sees himself or herself as being ‘like Satan’ with all the rights and responsibilities; e.g., a son of Satan. This is the person that Satan is able to control, and what Satan knows will deeply grieve God’s heart. His purpose in ritual abuse and mind control is to ‘create’ this person: someone that he can use in any way he pleases with no resistance at all. This is the person Satan hopes has a mind so divided, conscience so seared and is so filled guilt, shame, bitterness, rebellion, grief, fear, pride, abandonment and hate that he or she would never humble themselves to return to God, or allow Him to extend mercy to them. In this way, Satan and other forces of evil hope that he would never lose his control over them, and that these men and women would be judged in the last days.

However, man and women were not made in Satan’s image:

Genesis 1:26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and all over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

We were made in God’s image. Even with our inclination to sin after Adam and Eve’s original disobedience[1], we still have a conscience (e.g.: Jonah 1:13-14; Romans 2: 14-15) with standards of right and wrong that reflect His image in us. God is loving and compassionate. No one has to tell or teach a little child to have compassion on someone who is being tortured; the little child will be horrified and try to stop the torture, unless they are too terrified or are tied up or caged. The youngest child will choke or gag on blood when it is offered straight, and knows instinctively that murder is wrong the moment he or she views one. These truths stand true, even in the occult bloodlines with unsurpassed generational sin: children have compassion when someone is being tortured, and are horrified by blood-drinking and murder[2]. A cult child’s participation in blood-drinking, murder and the torture of others, numbness or ‘eagerness’ towards these and other occult activities, comes only after much conditioning through extreme trauma and reward, and often, the use of drugs and technology.

God is our creator, and He created us in His image. Scripture clearly shows that this cannot be changed: for God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable (Romans 11:29). It is impossiblefor Satan to remove the image of God in man and replace it with his image, despite the hours upon hours, years and years, generation after generation in many cases, of torture, trauma and reward. What really happens, rather than Satan’s desired and purported remaking, is that he only convinces the person that it is so. It is through this conviction, rather than a genuine sonship with Satan, that the person is controlled.

As the person has been led to believe since early childhood that there is no other way to survive, the person ‘shuts off’ his or her own heart and ‘accepts’ Satan’s values and purposes as his or her own. The person is surrounded by his or her cult community and so has these satanic values and purposes constantly practiced and reinforced, in a world that largely ignores and denies the existence of ritual abuse and mind control and so offers little help or support for those who want to leave the cults and change their lives. However, when the person stops believing that there is no other way to survive than to comply with Satan’s will, and returns to God, God has absolutely no problem removing the personal and demonic distortions over that person’s true identity and restoring him or her to peace, joy and truth in all things. Again, the church must remember that the cult survivor and the perpetrators he or she describes are not the true enemy of the church or of God. Each cult member is a potential Paul of Tarsus. They must be viewed as they really are: the lost who need saving, and the prodigals who the Father longs for.


Healing in the Context of the Faith Journey

Over the years, I have come to realize  that healing for my parts and myself, is often very much related to healing in my walk with (the Christian) God. In other words, as my perception of God and His goodness is healed, and the lies I was told about who He is, or what He is like, are replaced with truth, my parts heal as a natural response.

This makes sense, since some of the deepest and most fundamental programming done early in my life was intended to damage my ability to know and love God. For instance, one of the first splits that occurred in the womb for me was based upon my frantic need to save my birth mother and myself. As she was being tortured, and begging me to “save” her from the abuse, by turning away from God and turning to Satan, I complied. I literally turned my back at that time on God , whose loving presence I was aware of, due to my anger at the abuse, which the trainers blamed on God, saying “If God cares for you, why is He allowing you and your mother to be hurt like this?”  These individuals conveniently forgot to give Satan any blame, other than blaming God for his creation.

Healing of this fundamental wound has meant being willing to turn back to God; to ask and receive His forgiveness for choosing to be my own savior, and spending a lifetime of making bad choices as a result.

I finally had to come to the point that I realized that I was helpless in the womb; I did NOT have the ability to “rescue” that the programmers (including my birth mother) told me I did. This helplessness, and realizing that there is only One who can truly help, was the one thing I did not want to ever look at, face, or feel ever again.

In His goodness, God did show His love, kindness and mercy to me time and time again. I spent a long time avoiding the real issue: can I really trust God? Not in the pat “Christianese” way, in which the correct answer is “of course”, because that’s what good Christians say, regardless of what they really feel.  Instead, I had to face all of the pain, helplessness, rage at God, and hatred of my own vulnerability to reach the point of saying “God, I need You. I am sorry I have tried to figure out how to do this for a lifetime on my own, without You; please forgive me for listening to Satan’s ideas of how to never be helpless again. “ Because Satan lied. He promised I would have power, and never be hurt like that again, or never feel pain like that again, and simply put, he lied.

Satan said I would be rescuing my birth mother and myself, by choosing him, and he lied. She ended up dying, and I ended up being controlled, for years.

I had to come to the point of realizing that every programmer, and every spirit other than the Christian one, had tricked, lied, deceived and betrayed me; and that I bought into these lies because I didn’t want to face the despair of realizing I had made the wrong choice – to turn away from God – very early in life.

What it took a lifetime to realize is that the Christian God forgave me for making this choice. He didn’t hate me, He loved me.  He understood the intense emotional and physical pressure I was under, and He truly forgives it all, from the first choice to turn away, to the latest struggle to want to rescue others I love.

Awhile back, the LORD showed me what healing looks like. I saw (the real) Jesus in a room, that was filled with shining dots of different colors, scattered like a cloud throughout the room. Gradually, the dots began coming closer to Jesus, and they also simultaneously began coming closer to each other, until directly in front of Him, they were close together and joined.

The LORD told me that this is what healing is like. As my parts and I look at the real Jesus, and draw closer to Him, we draw closer to each other (because He gives us the courage to share and communicate and really see each other’s realities, and to take the barriers between us down that the programming installed). Over time, we have been joining as we get closer to the real source of love and healing; while this has been gradual, He sees the finished person: all the aspects joined together in loving and worshipping Jesus.

Healing is a process

Was I Illuminati or Jesuit? Healing is a Process

Since I started my blog, I have received several emails asking why there appear to be several differences between the personal history related in my newer articles, and the ones I wrote several years ago (available at this site). This post will explain why.

Healing dissociation is a process. Often, memories come in ‘layers’ or ‘stages’, filling in previously missing gaps in the story, or shedding new light on an old story. In a way, it is like the process of completing a jigsaw puzzle: small portions of the puzzle are filled in initially, but the ability to view the “whole picture” only occurs as more pieces come together. It is a natural part of the process of healing from dissociation and mind control, to progressively learn more about one’s history and self, as one’s faith grows and different parts (including the host) increasingly experiences the blessings of internal cooperation and healing. In this post, I will describe two major ‘stages’ of discovering my life history: knowing that I was working for the Illuminati, and knowing that I was in the Jesuit order.

One of the most outstanding differences between my first set of svali posts (written roughly twenty years ago) and my posts from the last two years is this: I had written back then that I was a member of the Illuminati; in many of my more recent posts (2017-2019), I write that I was a member of the Jesuit order, and have described in no less detail various aspects of a childhood and adulthood in the order.

Both sets of posts describe my life history. They are not mutually exclusive experiences. I worked in the Illuminati in the US, and was also a part of the Jesuit order. When I first began my healing, my first layer of cult-related memories was of being an Illuminati programmer in the United States. I was in my American system of parts, and was mainly learning about the traumas and cult activities that I had been involved in within the US.  The process of addressing the dissociation and healing from the memories that were coming was very difficult. Having to decide what to do and how to move forward with God as I realized that I was not just ‘making it all up’ was very difficult. As difficult as it already was, I assumed (wrongly) without exploring further that the Illuminati memories already represented all of my cult-related life history. My posts from twenty years ago reflect this perspective.

While I did not realize at that point that significant portions of my personal history were still dissociated, I was aware that I had not fully healed yet. I had several responsibilities during that time (including raising my children after I received custody and working 2-3 jobs to make ends meet). During this time, I stopped writing my svali posts online for a period of time. Finally, in 2006, I  had the opportunity to spend two years fulltime on healing (I went completely offline at this time).

During this two years, I journaled intensely, often up to 8 hours a day. This was when more of my life history came forward, as parts deeper within began to share. I discovered that the work for the Illuminati in America was only part of my life, and I actually was part of the Jesuit order. I learned that I had not only been a programmer for the Illuminati, but had been one for the Jesuit order. I also discovered the cult had constructed identities and life histories, ‘presentations’, for other parts of me in other nations, with other names and families. I learned that my very name, family and life in America was also a ‘constructed identity’ by the cult and that I had been assigned to work with the Illuminati in the US for the Jesuits since I was a child. My American mother was one of my main trainers in America, I first met her as a very young child at the Jesuit training facility in Rome (She was not my only trainer, I had several others).  She, along with Dr. Timothy Brogan and others, had helped program my American system of parts to only remember life in America and to completely believe that she, my stepfather and my sister were my only family.

This new set of memories overseas was no less heartbreaking and shocking for me to uncover. Again, my sense of who I was and my history as I had understood it, was shaken. On many days, it felt like I had to process my life story all over. A couple of supportive friends who were crucial to my healing during that time, and what I had learned during the earlier phase of healing about God’s faithfulness, comfort, ability to bring truth, dealing with denial and so on truly helped me through this extremely painful phases of my journey. The fact that before 2006 – 2008 I did not remember this portion of my history does not invalidate what I wrote in my earlier articles; I just didn’t have this part of the story yet when I wrote them. Healing is a process, and memories may be held by several layers of parts. It does not invalidate the memories of one part, if they are unaware of the history of the others. The fuller picture unfolds as the person progresses in healing.

It has not been easy learning why I had not remembered my Jesuit memories earlier in my healing journey: I had deep attachments with the fathers who had raised (and programmed) me. While much of what I had with the fathers were in fact ‘trauma-bonds’ (they had traumatized then rescued me to create dependence), there was also love and affection – they had been my world, and I lived to please them since early childhood. As a very young child, I had promised them that I would never betray them. ‘Not betraying’ and remaining loyal to them meant that I could never remember the Order if I tried to heal, and that I would never address my deeper programming and break the mind control that they had installed. It had been ‘easier’ for me to address my Illuminati memories as I did not have the same depth of investment in protecting them or being loyal to them as I did the Jesuits. As a child and adult serving the Jesuits, my life in the Illuminati in the US was one of my ‘jobs’/‘assignments’, but the Jesuits were who I then felt were my ‘real’ family and home.

I started to know and process these memories as God helped me to realize to a deeper level that healing and rejecting the group’s programming to not remember was not a betrayal (that was a deception introduced when I was very young in order to control me), and that it did not mean that I did not care. Wanting my mind to be free did not mean that I was hurting the fathers. I started to learn more about my Jesuit history after growth in several areas of my life: knowing that God cared about people in the Order and wanted them to know the truth too; knowing that God loved me enough to hold me through the grief and anguish that would come as discovered my Jesuit memories; knowing that God could protect my heart, mind and body as I addressed the deeper programming and parts related to this aspect of my life history; knowing that God could help me to know truth and cut through all the confusion and pain. Basically, increased faith and understanding of God’s love and power enabled me to start remembering and processing my Jesuit memories; earlier in the journey, I did not have the capacity to do so. This stage of my healing came too as my system of parts grew utterly tired of being mind controlled to keep secrets, being only partially healed and vulnerable to the cult, and decided to ‘risk’ trusting God to heal.

My memories of having been programmed in a facility overseas, and being part of the Jesuit order with large parts of my life being in Vatican, have been consistent since 2007. I have been blessed with direct validation for some of my memories as well. I have also noted that my statistics for site visitors have often shown more visitors from Italy to my site, than any other country. There are several possible reasons for this: what I write may resonate with Italian survivors; there could be a deep desire to learn about dissociation and deprogramming within this country; or other reasons. I pray that my posts bless those who read them, including those in Italy.

I do hope that explaining the healing journey will be helpful in promoting understanding of the process a bit more.

Prayer Resource book

Prayer Warrior 2 is a new book just published by CARE, Inc. This book offers a brief discussion of various terms, issues and types of programming seen in survivors of ritual abuse and mind control, with prayers following to address them.

I believe it will be a valuable resource for those who help survivors, and survivors. Please be aware, if a survivor, that the topics addressed could be very triggering, with descriptions of various forms of programming in many of the chapters.

The print version can be found here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1082594067/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=prayer+warriors+2&qid=1564438695&s=books&sr=1-1

The Kindle ebook version can be found here: https://www.amazon.com/Prayer-Warrior-II-Prayers-Healing-ebook/dp/B07VPR58ZW/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=prayer+warriors+2&qid=1564438695&s=books&sr=1-2

 

 

Why the core or original child may fear healing

While some literature presents the “core”, “original self” or “original child” (I’ll use the term “core” in the rest of this post as being protected from trauma, the reality is that in groups that use mind control, the core will also undergo extensive programming. This programming can include:

  • Programming to fear feeling intense emotions based upon traumas experienced, such as terror or despair, and teaching the core to “give” these emotions to primary emotional controllers, or splits, who take the burden of these feelings for the systems. These emotional holders are then placed under demonic control, with the agreement by both the core and the holders to allow satan/demons/entities control the emotions to help drive internal obedience and loyalty.
  • Programming to believe that without dissociation, the core will be unable to survive. This may be put in using various scenarios, from literally being put to death and resurrected using technology after a “coming together” VR is run, or similar ones.  If the individual begins healing, and their programs begin failing, this can trigger terror and retaliation at the core level, due to this fear.
  • Programming to bond to a “savior” from pain/trauma/terror: the core will be put into terrifying situations either prenatally, or soon after birth. The only “rescue” comes from the main trainer, or the demonic entity the group wishes the individual to be bonded to. This bond keeps the core locked into an internal “bubble” inside, since out of love for this individual, and the fear of their displeasure/anger, the core has agreed to never come out and present, unless this individual (or individuals; most individuals are bonded to at least three primary bonds) is present
  • Undergoing programming scenarios in which “healing” or “integration” cause immense pain. These are used to teach the core to fight any healing work done by the other systems. This type of conditioning will often begin prenatally. If the individual attempts to enter therapy, or to heal, they may feel immense resistance not only from programming of the presentation, but from the core as well.
  • Programming to feel only loved by the main trainer or entity the group worships, and to feel rejected/abandoned by all others. This includes having the birth mother completely reject the fetus, and then the others the fetus is to bond to speaking loving words. The core will then associate “healing” and leaving the group as losing this special love, which the core believes has helped him/her survive an extremely painful life.
  • Anti-Christian programming: this is also done to the core as well, to prevent a decision to embrace Christianity at core level. This is often modeled initially by the birth mother (who is traumatized by a false “jesus” actor); and later, the fetus is also traumatized by a “jesus” who shocks the fetus in the womb, etc.  If the individual attempts to pray, or allow the Christian God to help with healing, the core may react with terror, sabotage, or running retaliation programs to prevent this.

It is important to try to discover what types of conflicts regarding healing have been installed (they will be there; this is not left to chance). Instead of “pushing through” resistance in therapy (which will often result in kickback and intrasystem hostility), it is more helpful to ask “What do you believe will happen if this program stops running?” When the individual has reached the core level of healing, this type of dialogue, and addressing concerns and fears, will help the healing process.

The core does want to heal; but both the core and the other system parts may have been programmed with extensive trauma to fear this. Helping to address and resolve these traumas will help the entire system.

Growing Up International Part Five: Ages ten to twelve

I am writing these autobiographical articles to help others understand how some international occultic societies program their members. The information in the articles is specific to the group I was raised in, but many of the methods described are used by other groups.

Trigger Warning: this article contains graphic descriptions of trauma and programming setups

By age ten, most children raised at the facility are quite accomplished in various areas, including training (they are at an age where they now develop their own training plans for others, and can work independently in most areas); and are able to do fairly advanced military exercises.

These years are basically used to build upon the previous skills learned, and to provide increasing opportunities to work independently in preparation for entering adult roles, which occurs at age 12 or 13, when they become full fathers in the order.

The scenarios and challenges given are increasingly complex, and the child will begin multi-tasking. Computer and hacking skills are now at an advanced level as well. While formal schoolwork is done, it is increasingly supplemented by more advanced practical skills in areas, such as:

  • Performing surgery, including fetal transplants (assisting at first, then developing the ability to do so over time)
  • Prenatal programming interventions
  • Monitoring and evaluating baselines and outcomes for infants and children being programmed in the labs, and developing individualized training plans for review by the adult trainers, as well as problem-solving
  • Increasing complex field missions, ranging from infiltration, to gathering intelligence
  • Overseeing other children, and modeling skills and tasks
  • Acting in increasingly complex roles in the programming labs (e.g., dressing in a specific role such as Lillith or Bel, and then combining this acting role with ongoing evaluation of how the child being programmed is responding to their script
  • Helping to develop new technology or designer drugs with adult mentors drawing from fields that include chemistry, organic chemistry, neurobiology and others
  • Dimensional travel (to the 12th and 13th dimensions) and advanced mage skills

The above are just a few examples of the skills that the children develop during the preteen years.  They also increase on baseline athletic skills, with daily martial arts, sparring, and use of weapons, as well as the ongoing military exercises.

By the age of twelve, the child is considered ready (or almost ready, there is some variance between children) to step into their adult role. The long-anticipated “coming of age” ceremony, and the receiving of a full father’s black robes to replace the brown acolyte’s robe will occur.

All of the children at the facility, as well as selected leadership  from the other 12 international occultic groups, come to the initiation into full fatherhood ceremony (note: females as well as males are are given male names in the order, and are addressed as “father” after completing this rite). This is the ceremony in which the child Anthony becomes “Father Anthony”.

The initiation ceremony begins early in the morning (at dawn), at a private location where an arena is located. The circular arena is surrounded by seats, where the various leadership in the groups sit. Each section will have the group banner displayed overhead, and there are canopies to help protect from the hot sun.  The young father-to-be has been carefully instructed over the last year on what is expected, and how to perform their role. In the center of the arena are 1000 golden poles, with individuals of varying ages, from infancy to young adulthood tied.  The group of fathers-to-be will spend the day killing them all with special golden knives, in a mass sacrifice that initiates them into the order.

Because it is hot, and the work becomes difficult, they are allowed to drink from golden bowls that contain wine during the day. At first, the infants and young children set up a wail and a cry that is chilling, but gradually ,as the day goes on, silence slowly overtakes both children and young adults. As a sacrifice is completed, a portion of blood is collected in a special bowl, and taken to an altar at the center of the field (dedicated to Satan, called “Theo” or ‘god’ by the members of the order).

By the end of the day, the young initiates are exhausted, and weary in both body and soul; the wine does not numb the pain and awful, soul-deadening effect quite enough. Some of the initiates stagger, or even fall, from this weight; but they are expected to rise and continue without assistance, or they will be unable to receive their ordination. Most do, but occasionally one will fail to be able to. The other initiates are under orders to kill the one who fails and does not rise within 15 minutes to continue.

Finally, as the sun begins to fall in the west, the ordeal is over. The killings and sacrificial offerings are completed, and the young initiates present themselves to the council. They are then blessed, take the oath of obedience and loyalty, and are given their father’s robes. They have spent the day conducting sacrifices to show their complete obedience and loyalty to satan, and to bringing in his plan for the world. The members of the council greet the new fathers with a kiss and embrace, and then they are honored at a special banquet attended by the top leaders of the other societies, as well as the leadership in the Order.

After the feast, the new fathers are allowed to rest. Due to the oppressive effect of conducting mass ritual slayings, the fathers are allowed several needed days to rest and recover; days spent with those they love best. Each one is praised and given special time with their main mentors and parental figures in the order as a reward for completing this difficult ceremony.

Soon, they will begin their new life as a fully adult member of the order, working in their adult role. Childhood is now considered over, and their real work will begin: to pave the way for the coming occultic messiah, and to help implement a world that will be ruled by him.